I’m really sad and some days I just want to quit.

It was an amazing day today. Today my friend H and I decided to make sandwiches for the homeless people and to simply remind them that there’s a God who loves them. Long story short, H got the chance to pray for this guy named Jess and he was literally bawling his eyes out. As he was doing that, I got the chance to talk to another human being that’s less fortunate than us. She was basically pouring out her feelings and I just embraced her with open arms and told her that God loves her and that He’s a good God and I was given the privilege to share my testimony with her. It was beautiful :)

Sunday service definitely made my eyes tear up. Pastor J is definitely a woman of God with a beautiful loving heart. Can you believe it? The Bible was her handbook to raise all three of her children and God was the one who named them by visiting her in her dreams? I know what hand book to be looking into when I have kids! “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” :)

This school week has been a great reminder for me that God exists and that He listens to my prayers. Lately, I’ve been feeling really down with things happening left and right. My mind wasn’t set on bigger and better things, such as God being a bigger God in comparison to my problems. I liked the idea of purity, more than I desire to live a pure life. I liked the idea of living righteously, more than I desired to live a righteous life. I liked the idea of being a Christian, more than I desire to die to myself everyday so that I can be more like His Son, Jesus Christ, everyday. 
 Reality check hit the moment that I walked into a classroom during lunch. It was just my friend, me, and a couple others. Among the couple others was a girl that I used to hate for no reason and I bullied her, spoke words of death to her, rather than speaking words of life. I had such a huge conviction in my heart that I knew I had to apologize. You see, I don’t know how she still felt about me or whether or not she hated me.. or lingered onto the things I’ve once said and done to her. I wanted to walk out the room the moment God was tugging on my heart to go and apologize, but I just couldn’t find myself stepping out the classroom with ease. I finally said, “Okay God.” I walked up to her and apologized to her for everything that I have done and that I sincerely mean it. First thing she said? “I know you are.” Thank God we are friends now.. and praise God for the transformation in my life. It’s a step by step process and I’m not going to change over night.. and I thank God that He’s a merciful and patient God :)

A day later, I was sitting in fourth period and the lady named J who sat in front of me turned around and decided to ask me, “You don’t cuss, Barbara?” My response? “What?! You noticed?!” I was just in shock because I don’t talk to J. Then she proceeded to go on that I look like the type to use profanity and is angry all the time.. (lol. I used to be all that. Thank God.) Well, I took that as an open door to talk about Jesus and how giving up profanity was one of the first things I did when I gave my life to God. After a 5 minutes talk.. she told me she’s going to go to church again after a long while of not going. Praise God! :) 

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.